1 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,520 Excuse me! 2 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,480 -Mind that bus! 3 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:22,560 -Straight here. -Shit. 4 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,760 No, you've gone the wrong way. This is a one-way street. 5 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,520 Left here! We're going up a one-way street the wrong way. 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,560 -Jack! Careful here. Look. 7 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,320 -Oh, fuck! 8 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,920 Ladies and gentlemen, 9 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,920 please welcome to the stage, Jack Whitehall! 10 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,000 I'd never really had the chance to have a gap year, 11 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,080 'cause I started doing stand-up when I was about 17. 12 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,240 So all my friends went off on gap years, and I didn't. 13 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,320 I'm 28 years old. I had a dinner party the other night. 14 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,880 Now, finally, I've got this window in my diary where I can have a gap year, 15 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,880 and I thought it would be funny to take my father with me. 16 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,240 Why not? 17 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,640 I think we're gonna find out exactly why not. I am not a keen traveler. 18 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,520 A trip over Putney Bridge is quite an excursion for me. 19 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,440 But he seemed very keen to have me, 20 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,040 so I said, "All right, let's give it a whirl." 21 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,880 To be quite honest, I thought it would never happen. 22 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,680 I think it's an amazing opportunity. 23 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:35,240 He's the least-traveled person ever, and he hates being away from home. 24 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,680 And slumming it. The idea of Michael Whitehall slumming it. 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,200 We're gonna be staying in hostels. 26 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,800 It's a gap year. I want it to be an authentic gap year experience. 27 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,120 I'm gonna take my Garrick Club tie, 28 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,560 just in case we go and see anyone decent there, 29 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,880 like an ambassador or something. 30 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,560 Oh! Somebody's put shorts in here. 31 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,720 Absolutely no way. 32 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,200 He is very bad with foreign food. 33 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,040 That sentence also works if you take out the word "food" 34 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,200 and replace it with pretty much anything. 35 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,480 People. 36 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,400 I'm not going to any beaches. 37 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,840 -Well, you might be on a beach. -Well, if I'm-- 38 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,320 You're not gonna wear those on a beach, are you? 39 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,320 -Just put... They're very light. -No, this is... 40 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,920 And they're very small. Just put them... 41 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,880 -I could wear these on a beach. 42 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,040 -I'm not wearing those shorts. -Look, I... 43 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:24,280 Mrs. Whitehall, I think, is really looking forward to it, 44 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:28,880 because she's gonna have five weeks of the house empty of me. 45 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,600 Michael... He's gonna kill me for saying this. 46 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,760 But he's nearly 77, and I've always said to him, 47 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,640 "You've gotta embrace the new. Don't get stuck in a rut." 48 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,360 Well, this is a major embrace going on here. 49 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,200 Watch me. For most of this trip, 50 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,920 I will be like the Queen when she stood next to Prince Philip 51 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,120 during one of those royal tours of Africa. 52 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,560 I must be out of my mind. 53 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,200 What the fuck am I doing, going to Thailand? 54 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,760 We're cramming our gap year into just five weeks, 55 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:21,920 and hitting the classic destinations: 56 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,600 Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. 57 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,040 Starting in the capital, Bangkok. 58 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:36,760 And what an eye-watering metropolis this city turns out to be. 59 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,040 Whoo! The gap year has begun! 60 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:45,880 Hey! 61 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,800 This is so great, isn't it? 62 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:49,400 What do you think? 63 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,080 Just trying to concentrate on not falling out of this fucking thing. 64 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,680 Oh, it's not that much further. 65 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,720 I thought we were staying in a five-star hotel, you said. 66 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,920 No, I said it had five stars. -You said five stars. Yes. 67 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,280 But that was all of the reviews added up. 68 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,400 I've booked us a hotel just off the legendary Khao San Road. 69 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,480 The most stressful thing in my life, that was. 70 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:16,560 What? 71 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,079 An area famously described as the center of the backpacking universe. 72 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,600 -This way. -You'd better lead on. 73 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:22,680 Yes, okay. 74 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,600 This will be a baptism by fire for my father. 75 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,560 Ugh! No, thank you. 76 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,880 You don't get those on the deli counter at Waitrose! 77 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,880 That's not what I'm looking for at all. 78 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,200 Sensory overload, isn't it? 79 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,640 You can definitely say that again. 80 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,360 I thought you said we were staying in a hotel. This is the hotel. It's a hostel. 81 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,120 I plan to head off any illusions of luxury right from the start. 82 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,800 Uh, Whitehall. 83 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,000 -Yeah. 84 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,640 It's 250 a bed. You two bed. It's 500. 85 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,960 -Yeah. Thank you. -Thank you. 86 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,920 Can I be very honest? First impressions are not good, all right? 87 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,760 It's only £1 more. 88 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,960 No, I don't think I'll be here for breakfast. 89 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:26,680 Oh! 90 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,800 -Just like being back at boarding school. -Hmm. Maybe for you. 91 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:30,960 Oh, my God! 92 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,040 -Hey. Hey. 93 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:34,960 Hi. 94 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,480 Uh, I'm Jack. This is my father, Michael. 95 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,080 Sorry. 96 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:40,920 Sorry. 97 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,360 Michael! Daddy! Daddy! 98 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,840 No way. -Look, Daddy... 99 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,120 Hello. 100 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,760 We're not staying here. 101 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,120 -And I'd like the Daily Telegraph. Certainly. 102 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,480 -We're not staying here. -We are. I fixed papers and everything. 103 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,720 -No, I'm not... 104 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,240 I'm not staying here. It's fine. Thank you. 105 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,760 -We can't stay here. This isn't-- 106 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,760 'Cause this isn't... This is not authentic. 107 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,560 What was wrong with that last place? It was nice. 108 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,200 It was a shithole, that place. A total shithole. 109 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,120 -Mr. Whitehall, 110 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,280 -here your room number, 754. -Thank you so much. 111 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,960 -You're in junior suite room. -That's very nice. Thank you very much. 112 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,320 And we have two outdoor swimming pool, a lovely garden, 113 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,400 and as well barber shop, spa and a gym. 114 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,800 -Very nice. Thank you so much. -Welcome. 115 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,080 Well, maybe I could... maybe I could stay here for one night, 116 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,160 and then... 117 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,600 Do you have any other, um, rooms? 118 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,120 -Yeah. 119 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,120 Same size room? 120 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,560 Well, they do say pick your battles. 121 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,080 But dinner here at the Sirocco 122 00:06:55,160 --> 00:07:00,000 is definitely not how I imagined my first night backpacking in Bangkok. 123 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,600 -This is one night. -Yeah. 124 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,960 I'll give you this. Tomorrow, slumming it. 125 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,440 -Oh, now, don't be ridiculous. -No. Street food. 126 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,440 What is street food? 127 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,520 Street food. Food that you have on the side of the street. 128 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,160 This is part of Thai culture, and it's something you'll have to embrace. 129 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,920 You can have your champagne tonight, 130 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,160 but tomorrow you're gonna be drinking from the bucket. 131 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,240 From the what? 132 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,000 You drink from buckets over here. It's a thing. 133 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,320 Oh, I think that's very unlikely. 134 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,560 -Let's try and start on a positive note. -Okay. 135 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,080 What are you looking forward to most about this? 136 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,280 -Yeah. 137 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,640 Well, if I'm gonna be absolutely honest with you, 138 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,240 -which I want to be all the time... -Be honest. 139 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,680 ...we're here together, 140 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:41,800 it's when those wheels come down at Heathrow Airport after we've done this. 141 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,920 That's the thing you're looking forward to most? 142 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,680 -Yeah. -There must be something. 143 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,960 Like, what about historical things? There must be some history stuff out here. 144 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,480 I'd quite like to go and see the bridge on the River Kwai. 145 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,120 -Good. -And the film, of course, was made there. 146 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,560 Is there anything else? 147 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:02,360 Well, as you know, I went to a school run by Benedictine monks up in Yorkshire. 148 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,920 So one of those monasteries with the monks. 149 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,320 Well, that's good. We'll definitely probably tick that off. 150 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,120 -Yeah. -I mean, the way I see it, 151 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:14,040 it's mainly gonna be beach parties, you know, going out, getting lashed, 152 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,480 and if you go with it, then I'll give you the odd cheeky temple along the way. What, you think I'm going to go to a beach party and get lashed? 153 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,680 -No, but you're gonna-- 154 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,600 -No, like, Apocalashed. 155 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,760 No, no, no. 156 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,240 There must be something nice you're looking forward to on this. 157 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,000 Well, I'm looking forward to us bonding a bit together, 158 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,720 'cause you went to boarding school and we never really had a chance to-- 159 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,240 And you're making that sound like it was my decision. 160 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,240 -Like I wanted to go away at eight. -No, no, no. 161 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,320 I know you went away at eight. 162 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,760 -I left it a bit late. -And that was a mistake. 163 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,600 -No, no, I just left it a bit late. 164 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:46,920 -I should've sent you... 165 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,320 Six? -Six, seven. Yes. 166 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,320 That's when you really needed to go away, but I hung on till you were eight. 167 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,640 I would've had a nanny till I was six, 168 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,360 -Yes. But it's one of those-- 169 00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,960 How is that... That's not even parenting. 170 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,680 Is this the longest you will ever have been away from Mummy? 171 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,840 Yeah. I think it probably is. Four, five weeks. 172 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,240 Will you miss her? 173 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:10,680 Um... 174 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,240 -You can't make that noise. 175 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,840 You have to just go, "Yes." 176 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,240 No, no, I will miss her. And I think she'll probably miss me. 177 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,720 But I'm gonna keep in touch with her on that sky box, is it called? 178 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:21,760 Sky box? 179 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,160 You know, where you go to keep in touch with people. 180 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,840 -Yes. 181 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,360 I may have to sometimes catch up with her on the... Skype. 182 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,240 As long as catching up is all you're doing on Skype. 183 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,800 Of course. I mean, if things get really bad, 184 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,480 I may have to have one off the wrist a couple of times, 185 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,880 but that's not being unfaithful, is it? 186 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,080 -No. -No. 187 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,320 Please can you just promise me 188 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,320 that you'll try to throw yourself into this a bit? 189 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,960 Yes, I will. I promise I will. 190 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,080 -Try to embrace Southeast Asian culture. -Yes. I want to do that. 191 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,360 'Cause otherwise this isn't gonna work. 192 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,920 There's no point in coming here if I wasn't going to embrace it. 193 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,880 -Yes. Lovely. 194 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,040 For you, sir? 195 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,240 -Certainly, sir. 196 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,600 -Preferably Welsh lamb, if you have it. 197 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:09,160 Just medium would be lovely. 198 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,880 -Thank you for your order. -Thank you so much. 199 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,920 Sweet girl. 200 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,320 -Look, I couldn't eat any of that stuff. 201 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,280 Foreign food and me. I'm amazed they have Welsh lamb. 202 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,560 I want my father to experience real Thai culture, 203 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,240 whether he likes it or not. 204 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,400 So we've arranged to meet up with a guide in the hotel. 205 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,080 Maybe in a couple hours? 206 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,400 Pru is a Bangkok local, and has offered to show us around. 207 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,480 Um, I told my dad to meet us in the lobby, 208 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,840 so he'll probably be the only guy wearing a suit. 209 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:08,920 Okay. 210 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,640 Is it the gentleman at the bar? 211 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,920 Well, there you go. Cheers. 212 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,080 -Yeah, I'll just go grab him. -Okay. 213 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,680 Of course, when it comes to Michael Whitehall, 214 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,640 even the most simple of plans tend to go awry. 215 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,000 I'm obviously gonna enjoy myself... 216 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,920 Daddy -...while I'm out here. 217 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,280 Okay. 218 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,120 Oh, finally, you've shown up. Hey. 219 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,520 -Can I just... Can we just... 220 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,120 A really nice girl. Sweet. 221 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,960 -That's our guide. 222 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,040 No. 223 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,400 You said the guide we were meeting in the foyer. 224 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,280 That's our guide, Pru. 225 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:49,000 All right. Well, she said she was gonna show us a good time and stuff. No? 226 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,920 Not our guide. That's our guide. 227 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,320 -Right. So-- 228 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,920 No, probably not. Okay, come on. Let's go. 229 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,360 What? It seemed like you were getting on quite well. 230 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:01,920 I think we'll leave that. 231 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,400 -Nice to meet you. I'm Pru. 232 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,360 Sorry, I got a little confused. 233 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,120 Michael was just getting to know, yeah, some of the locals. 234 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,920 -Yeah. 235 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,160 -Yes, fine. Let's go. -Yeah, sure. Unless you wanna... 236 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,680 I think they have rooms here if you wanted to... 237 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,440 It's a simple mistake. 238 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,280 -You seemed to be getting on quite well. -Well, she seemed a very nice girl. 239 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,400 Quite big hands. 240 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:31,880 Like my father's new friend, I suspect Bangkok has hidden treasures. 241 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,520 And I'm hoping that Pru will show us some of the more unusual sights 242 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,360 in this enormous and eclectic city. 243 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,560 So you've seen Bangkok. It's a very modern place. 244 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,120 But if you scratch that surface, we're all very, very superstitious. 245 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,520 And today, I'd like to take you to a very interesting shrine, 246 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,560 and tell you all about the legend of Chuchok. 247 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,000 So who is Chuchok? 248 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,760 So the legend has it that he was a very old man, 249 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,720 and he married a young and beautiful woman and came across a very good fortune. 250 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:00,800 Ah. 251 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,240 And why in particular did you think this story 252 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:08,320 about a dirty old man marrying a younger woman was-- 253 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,560 -I don't think she said "dirty old man." 254 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,520 -I thought I heard it. -She just said "old man." 255 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,240 Me and your mother? -You have a younger wife. 256 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,440 Yes, a younger wife. She's... There's, like, 20 years age gap. 257 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,520 You're the old man who got lucky and found a younger wife. 258 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,720 You guys wanted to see some temples and shrines, 259 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:27,320 and every home in Thailand has a... you know, a shrine. 260 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,560 Well, I did ask Pru not to take us to the usual tourist traps, 261 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,320 and it looks like she's delivered. 262 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,640 It's quite off the beaten track. 263 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,280 My father's been briefed. 264 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,880 This is a place of worship, and our bywords are deference and respect. 265 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,880 Welcome to the shrine of Chuchok. 266 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,520 Well, it's not exactly the Vatican, is it? 267 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,160 It's more like Poundland. 268 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,240 Before we go in, let's take off our shoes. 269 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:55,360 -Sorry. -I'm not sorry. 270 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,560 -That's okay. -I'll leave that if I may. 271 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,480 -It's not an option. -No, honestly, 272 00:13:58,560 --> 00:13:59,640 -I can't-- -No, you're not-- 273 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,640 These are not shoes. These are slippers. 274 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:02,760 -They're not. They're shoes. -They are. 275 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,920 You're not allowed to wear shoes in a shrine. 276 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,880 -I have to wear these, 'cause I get gout. 277 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,480 -Yes. You know I get gout. -I'm well aware you get gout-- 278 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:14,200 Well, I don't want gout spread all over all this shrine setup. 279 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,800 Gout is not contagious. 280 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,800 -It can be. -It can't. 281 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,840 -You can pick up gout off the floor. -Shoes off. 282 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,080 You can't. You're not coming in wearing those shoes. 283 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,000 Well, I'm only doing this for you. 284 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,760 And I'm only doing it once. 285 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:27,440 Here we are. 286 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,480 What's going on here, then? 287 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,640 I think he's praying to the Chuchok gods. 288 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,520 He received some luck recently. 289 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,200 So you pray to the statue and you get good luck? 290 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,080 -Mmm-hmm. 291 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,720 He won the lottery. 292 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,800 -Wow. Amazing. What are you doing? 293 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,320 -Oh, Jack, don't be ridiculous. He won the lottery. 294 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,880 -It was just a coincidence, obviously. -It wasn't a coincidence. 295 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:11,960 Who on earth is this? 296 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,040 That's Mollie Sugden, isn't it? 297 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,680 She says her name is Gung, and welcome to Thailand. 298 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,080 -Very nice. Thank you. -Very nice to meet you. 299 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,920 You have a lovely shrine. 300 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,480 She says it's the most famous place in Thailand and in the world. 301 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,760 Right. 302 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,800 So Chuchok is famous for having taken a young wife? 303 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,840 She says, "Yeah, if you wanna ask for a young wife, 304 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:53,320 he would be able to grant it for you, and this a part of Buddhism beliefs." 305 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,800 Could you say to her that I have a young wife, uh, 306 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,760 but she's not as young as she was. 307 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,440 And she's not quite as good as she used to be in terms... 308 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,440 Well, the obvious way, but also window cleaning, 309 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,240 carrying heavy suitcases, that sort of stuff. 310 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,880 I'll tell her that you already have a young wife. 311 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,840 -Yeah, but I wouldn't mind... -Yeah, that would be best. 312 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,240 -...possibly having another one. 313 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,680 Moving swiftly on, 314 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,480 Gung's world-famous Chuchok collection is only a sideline. 315 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,840 Apparently, her main business takes place upstairs. 316 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,040 So it's a shrine and a beauty therapy as well? 317 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,080 It's a noninvasive way of beautifying yourself. 318 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,480 Mmm. Shrine and spa? 319 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,080 Mmm-hmm. 320 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,400 Nice. 321 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,360 And so, this helps how? 322 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,160 It's a world-famous face-slapping technique 323 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,280 that helps lift your face. 324 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,160 And how long have you been a slapper? 325 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,280 Uh, 32 years. 326 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,480 -So now an old slapper, then. 327 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,920 Is it only faces, or does she do whole 328 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,720 -She'll slap you everywhere you want. -All right. 329 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,119 She's asking if you'd be interested in this procedure. 330 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,560 -Yes. Go on, Jack. 331 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,880 I don't know what that is in Thai, but I didn't like the sound of it. 332 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,320 -She's gonna give you a special treatment. -Okay. 333 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,440 -Just relax. 334 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,920 -Relax. -I don't feel awfully relaxed. Okay. 335 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,120 Thank you. Just ease yourself in. 336 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,880 Oh, Jesus! 337 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,960 -Yes, that's good. 338 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,600 I'd bet she doesn't get much repeat business on this, would you? 339 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,480 It's amazing to think that this isn't practiced more widely. 340 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:02,720 Oh! 341 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,920 That was good. -Good. 342 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,880 This is more of a sport than a beauty treatment, isn't it? 343 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,240 Dislocated? 344 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,800 She's just elongated your neck. 345 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,640 I'm actually... I feel so relaxed now, 346 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,960 I wouldn't wanna ruin it by overdoing it and feeling, you know... 347 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,680 Oh, God. Oh! Jesus. Okay. Oh! 348 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,080 Do you feel your shoulders broadening I look a bit like I've had a stroke. 349 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,680 Are you happy? -Yeah. Maybe my father would like some treatment. 350 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,680 -Oh, no. Thank you so much. 351 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,040 -No. No. No. -No, Daddy. No, Daddy. 352 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:56,520 -Definitely not. No, Daddy. 353 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,480 -No! Release me! -Daddy, come on. -No! No! No! 354 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,000 -She wants to give you a little slap. -No! No! 355 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,160 -Daddy! You've got to. -No! 356 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,160 You've gotta try it. It actually feels a lot better than it looks. 357 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,960 -Daddy. 358 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,240 So that was an interesting day, 359 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,200 but not one that has encouraged my father to integrate into local life. 360 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,640 However, tonight, it's my turn to choose the dinner venue. 361 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,720 How's that beer going down? 362 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,400 I'm not over impressed with the glassware here, I have to say. 363 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,720 And I thought this might be a good moment 364 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,000 to enlighten my father about his friend from the hotel bar. 365 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,920 Fittingly, over a hot dish which may contain nuts. 366 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000 So you know, obviously, culturally here it is quite different. 367 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,000 Yes, I would agree with that. 368 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,920 A big part of Thai culture is ladyboys, who are kind of widely accepted, 369 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,920 -and you might see some on the street. -Yes. 370 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,120 Is it a man who's a woman or a woman who's a man? 371 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,200 -It's a man who has become a woman. -Oh, right. 372 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,920 -No, that's a drag act. 373 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,400 Oh, right. These are drag acts that have had an operation? 374 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,640 I don't... To be honest, I'm now a bit out of my depth. 375 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,640 Right. 376 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,400 Of course, your tolerance to ladyboys is pretty high because, 377 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,960 you know, in another world that could've been you. 378 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:17,120 As a baby, your mother used to dress you up as a little girl, didn't she? 379 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,880 No, that was only when I was very small. 380 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,800 Well, it stopped when you were what? Like, 16, 17? 381 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:26,400 No, it stopped when I was about six or nine months old. 382 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,800 If the underlying theme of this trip of ours 383 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,880 is that you're hoping at the end that I'm gonna have a sex change, 384 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:38,320 I'd rule that out straight away, 'cause it's not gonna happen. 385 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,240 -It would be an amazing story, though. -Yes, it would. 386 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,480 -Right, here you are, Jack. 387 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,400 Pork, pork. Pork? This is intestine. 388 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,240 Well, the good thing is, if you really enjoy that, 389 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,400 you're not gonna need to order seconds, because there's seconds over here for you. 390 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,520 You're not gonna... 391 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,640 Not in a million years could I get involved with any of that. 392 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,920 Why? You could just work your way through this side salad. 393 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,560 I don't know. 394 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,520 It looks as though he's ripped that off a tree somewhere. 395 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,760 Have you got money to cover this, or do you want me to do it? 396 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,800 -No, definitely not. 397 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,240 Maybe we should just do a runner. 'Cause, I mean, I haven't eaten mine. 398 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,160 -If I go first, you follow me-- -You've never run in your life. 399 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,520 No, no, I don't mean literally run. Just... 400 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,520 -I will get up and quietly walk out. 401 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,040 The bill? Bill? 402 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,400 Uh, the check? 403 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,360 The check for the bill, for the meal? 404 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,320 Pay? 405 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,360 -Pay. 406 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:46,720 Pay for the meal, please? Thank you. For the... If we... 407 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,480 Oh. -Yes. 408 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:54,800 So impressive, Jack. As a world traveler, you just, you know, are amazing. 409 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,360 This morning, Pru has found us a uniquely Thai experience. 410 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,720 One that she hopes will appeal to both of us. 411 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,960 So I've brought Jack and Michael here today 412 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,240 to see a really cool sporting event called the elephant polo. 413 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,680 This event is for the high society people in Thailand, 414 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,680 and in short we call them Hi-So people. 415 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:22,200 It's comparable to the Royal Ascot in the UK. 416 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,160 So this would seem to be the perfect event for Michael Whitehall, 417 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,840 the very embodiment of English refinement and class. 418 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:30,840 Fuck off! 419 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:36,040 Why do you hate clowns so much? -I've always hated clowns. 420 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:41,600 I'm really pleased that at last we're seeing the real Thailand. 421 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,760 Beautiful clothes, cocktails. This is my world. 422 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,160 It's a somewhat surreal occasion, 423 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,800 laid on every year to raise money for elephant welfare. 424 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:05,040 So revered is Thailand's national animal, that this sumptuous breakfast 425 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,560 has not been prepared for us two-legged guests. 426 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:22,800 I'll tell you who that one reminds me of, is... You know your grandmother? 427 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,160 You're happy on camera saying that your mother-in-law 428 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,400 looks like a massive elephant? 429 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,680 Yeah, she's a... Well, she's a large woman. 430 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,840 But she loves a big buffet, doesn't she? 431 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,520 -She'd have this whole table clear. -Yeah. 432 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,880 Like this slightly bigger one here. 433 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,560 -Oh! 434 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:44,640 Please. 435 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:50,600 I wouldn't eat that all in one go. You'll give yourself indigestion, love. 436 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,880 These creatures are extraordinary. 437 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,880 But I'm not just here to watch or feed the elephants. 438 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,000 Pru has arranged for me to play in the tournament. 439 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,280 And if that wasn't intimidating enough, 440 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:13,240 the team I'll be joining is made up of former All Black rugby players. 441 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,160 Good to meet you, chaps. 442 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,160 I'm going to play on your team, but I need to learn how to mount the elephant. 443 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,880 -Never mounted an elephant. 444 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,000 So here's your moment. 445 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,880 No. 446 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,120 The only way we'll beat these big gray things 447 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,960 with floppy ears and funny trunks is give 'em a haka. 448 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,480 A haka? 449 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,720 -You have to, mate. We're going to war! -Okay. 450 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,920 This is getting scarier by the minute. 451 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,160 But luckily, I have my father here to big me up. 452 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,360 What are we gonna do with this? 453 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,160 'Cause this is gonna be an embarrassment in an hour or so. 454 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,600 -If you've got a few ideas... No, no. 455 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,800 Yeah, I need some tips. I'm playing keeper. 456 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,040 -I've been subbed in for the All Blacks. 457 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,800 Well, they're good guys. 458 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,840 -Yeah. -And they're solid. 459 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,840 When you get on, make sure your stirrups are short. 460 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,120 -Because the ropes lengthen during play, 461 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,600 and you'll be sitting on your crown jewels, 462 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,320 and it will be very uncomfortable. 463 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,320 Jack hasn't got very much down there, so I don't think that'll be a problem. 464 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,960 -They went to his brother, unfortunately. Right. That's a shame. 465 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,000 I've never excelled at any sport, 466 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,400 mainly because of my dad's criticisms of me, 467 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,960 and the fact that he, you know, shatters my confidence whenever I try. 468 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,400 And now I've found a sport, finally, that I think I might be good at, 469 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,760 and I'm gonna show him that I can do it. 470 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,160 I'm gonna make him proud. 471 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,160 This could be a very important day in his life, sports-wise. 472 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,840 So I'm genuinely excited about it. 473 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,880 I've been practicing my haka. 474 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:40,080 Yeah. 475 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,920 I think I maybe mixed it up a bit with the Macarena 476 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,400 -when I was watching the videos online. -Yeah. 477 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,920 Maybe let's not... Let's ditch the haka for today. 478 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,600 Anyway, this is the opposition. 479 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:01,640 This is our opposition? 480 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,360 Yeah, this is the opposition. I'll tell ya, they're pretty hot. 481 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,680 -Nice to see you. -Shake hands. You've gotta shake hands. 482 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,240 Let's duel! 483 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,880 To the elephants! 484 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,480 I think that's psyched out King Power, the reigning champions. 485 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,400 Time to choose my mount. 486 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,480 I don't want that one. 487 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,080 This one maybe. 488 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,520 Now I just need to work out how to get on. 489 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:29,600 Oh! 490 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,320 This feels a bit like I'm climbing the gallows. 491 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,720 I hope that's not a bad omen. 492 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,480 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce Michael Whitehall now, 493 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,840 whose son Jack will be playing in front of us right now. 494 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,640 And, Michael, what do you think of this noble sport of elephant polo? 495 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,960 Um, I'm very impressed so far. 496 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,640 This, of course, is Jack's first time for elephant polo, 497 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,760 so I wish him and his team good luck. 498 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,080 Okay! 499 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,840 Come on, Stu. It's underneath you. It's underneath you. 500 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:02,880 Ow! 501 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:03,960 Hey! 502 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,040 He whacked my stick! He hit my stick! Did you see that, ref? 503 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:08,480 Keep your eye on the ball! 504 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,200 Yeah, which way are we going? 505 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,200 We're going this way? Sorry. Should've asked. 506 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:18,120 Hit it, Jack! Why doesn't he just hit the ball properly? 507 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,440 Bastard! Oh, God! 508 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,720 Couldn't score in a brothel, that one. 509 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,360 Oh, it's gone down the line! 510 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:28,440 Oh! 511 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,360 So that's one-nil to King Power. 512 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,360 Guys, we're still in this. No, you're not. 513 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:40,040 I do apologize, ladies and gentlemen. This is a pathetic display. 514 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,840 Back, back, back. Where is it 515 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,320 Hit it! It's not a wand. You're not Harry Potter. 516 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,480 Oh, no. Just hit the bloody thing. 517 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,920 Oh, two-nil. Oh, this is a joke. 518 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,400 King Power have got it in the bag. 519 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,080 Can you go over here? 520 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,520 I think I need a change of tactics, Mourinho-style. 521 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,880 It's time to park the elephant. 522 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,000 -Down. Sit. Sit. What is he doing now? 523 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,320 Yes. Good, good. 524 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,720 If I can't score, then neither can they. 525 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,920 Oh, for God's sake! What an ass! 526 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,640 You're not allowed to sit down in the goal. 527 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,240 This is bullshit. Unbelievable. 528 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,720 -Unbelievable. 529 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,520 And that's it! The game's over. 530 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,560 Win for the King Power. 531 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:28,320 And thank you very much, Jack Whitehall, I don't think. 532 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:31,080 Ingenuity, that's what I was using. 533 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,400 I thought, "They've given me a fat elephant. 534 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,520 Why don't I use that to my advantage? 535 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,880 I will get it to sit with its big fat ass in the goal, 536 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,880 and then they won't be able to score." 537 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,280 And, apparently, that's against the rules. No one told me that. 538 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,000 Not exactly an ideal end to the day for me. 539 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,160 And as for my father's heckling from the sidelines... 540 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:56,880 I don't wanna speak to you. 541 00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,520 Okay. 542 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:05,600 Well, we may not have won the match, 543 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,240 but at least I taught someone some new moves. 544 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,880 Fist bump? 545 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,560 -Boom! 546 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,640 Result. 547 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,160 And things are about to get a whole lot weirder. 548 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,400 Welcome to hell. 549 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:22,640 Daddy's here.